Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
