I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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