Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
