those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
