we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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