Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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