apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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