your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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