Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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