youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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