C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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