maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
