I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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