Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
