Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
