Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
