I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
