I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
