But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
