your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
whose ass print is on the piano?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize