yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
