I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
