You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
