It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
