he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
