If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
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she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
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He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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