i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
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