remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Randomize
