Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
