I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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