Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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