In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
not ubering you a puppy
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
