Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
