u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
