we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
