i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
