I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
