He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My liver just had a heart attack.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
