He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
