fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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