I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
