She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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