I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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