not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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