seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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