how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize