She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Randomize
