Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
