I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
