YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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