you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
