I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
