bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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