the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
