Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
