Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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