White coat. Heels.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.