remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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