i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
