Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
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Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
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Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.