Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun