dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
