I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
