i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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