Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
