"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
