she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
