I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
