whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
