I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
