i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
