11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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