my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
