he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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