You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
