how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
