forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
