Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
